I just keep taking the next step on this journey. Yesterday I took an unexpected, but not surprising step during my session with Betsy.
Betsy has been coming to me to learn how to be an "intuitive." I had put her off for several years, because I really didn't know how to teach her. Finally, this spring after she attended my trial WEALTHY Woman class, I decided to open up to the possibility of "teaching" her. Betsy came for her second session yesterday. She started out by asking how long I have been doing this, which triggered a little something in me but I simply answered after reviewing my personal timeline, "7 years."
We went on into our session. Betsy opened up the coning in which we would do our work together. Basically, a coning is the container out of which I do my "intuitive" work. Another way of thinking about is that this is how I "plug" in to Source.
How an intuitive session, even a training session, flows is a magical, mystery tour! (I know, I can hear the Beatles singing too!) I basically download information as it comes through, and it comes through as a person asks a question, energetically opens to receive whatever information is next, or one conversation triggers another conversation. I am not sure if this is an adequate description, but it will have to suffice for now.
Anyhow, somewhere in the conversation, I asked Betsy if she had ever wondered where she came from to be here on Earth. Our conversation had moved to a much deeper place when her unwillingness to name the dark became the issue we were looking at. Big issue and a very big challenge for Betsy because she doesn't like what she sees when she sees the dark stuff. Opening up to explore this was the doorway for the "galatic" level of the conversation to come into our session. It began with an objective enough revealing of the 9th dimension and the integration of the light and dark, and as we explored higher perspectives, it became very clear to me that Betsy is a very high dimensional being is came to Earth with a very high level mission of being willing to see the dark, name the dark and to make sure that another world was not destroyed by the dark forces again. When I shared this with her, she felt the truth of this in every cell of her being. A part of her came home to her body in a way that I had not experienced in her before.
The challenge for me was that the cat was out of the bag. I thought that sharing the split in my belly was coming out of the closet. I was realizing that I have closets within closets! I just had the image of the wardrobe opening up to the land of Narnia. I have the closet which is more like a small room, and within the room is a wardrobe, and within the wardrobe are the realms of the galatic.
I am a galatic being. I come from another world that is of a different dimension and frequency than Earth. As I type this, I know this. I feel this as my cells reverberate in the truth of who I truly am, and also in the fear of this ever becoming public. This is the core of my split. Right here. I am a galatic being in a human body. I am from the Pleaides, but I live on Earth. I so desperately want to remember where I am from. I know that I miss my home so deeply, and I know that I chose to come here and to serve the Earth's ascension process.
I also know that I have so wanted to be normal and to fit in here for as long as I can remember. I have felt alien and that I don't fully understand or fit in for as long as I can remember. Just like I am an English person living in America, and then when I go back to England, I am an American being in England - this split is a reflection of the split I feel between my galatic and earthly self, except that I don't get to go back and visit my galactic home.
Sometimes I just feel so alone and so far away and I haven't even understood why. So often what I have felt hasn't made sense. Wow, there that is. Making sense. No wonder I have wanted so badly for everything to make sense. Being galactic doesn't make sense in this world. There is barely any understanding or even a concept for this.
I may have remembered my true roots and home when I was a very young child, and I was probably sure that I would never forget who I really was. But life happens, and I am sure that as a little girl, I just wanted to be loved and accepted, be normal, and fit in. And so I forgot who I was, and concentrated on being human, being normal, and being loved.
So I split off from my galactic self and relegated her to the basement, to my belly, where I could hide her away and keep her under wraps, and out of sight. My galactic self is my little girl - the little me who knew and loved where she came from, who embodied the wisdom and knowledge of my people, and who was deeply connected to her mission and why she had come to Earth. She is Katie, my little, inner child, whom I rejected and cast away out of shame and fear of being found out. I was terrified of being sent away, not being loved, and not being understood. So I began to live from my head, to figure out what others wanted from me so that I could give it to them, and to be the perfect, good little girl. I became a great student, did the right things, never was too wild or too much, went to a good college, graduated cum Laude, and have then spent my adult years trying to figure out what I really wanted to do, got married, became a mother of 4 kids, and so on and so forth. If I just did things right, then I would be okay, normal and loved.
Now, I am trying really hard to be a good coach, where including "intuitive" sometimes can feel like a stretch out of the box of normalcy. And then yesterday, I had to go and reveal the "galatic" piece to Betsy. She's reeling in her own galatic connections, and I'm reeling in my revealing mine. The truth is that when I am doing my intuitive work, it is actually my galactic work. I am actually working with and receiving information from very high frequency dimensions that is beyond intuitive. This actually explains why my work has a depth and richness to it that "intuitive" doesn't explain. Even Betsy said yesterday that she always had wondered why my work had a depth to it that she hadn't experienced with other intuitives. I guess that's why she really wanted to work with me to develop her own intuition. The funny part is though, that she actually came to me to develop her galactic wisdom and mission.
The gift for me out of yesterday's session is that I have put in another stitch of healing the split because out of the session because I have had another layer of acceptance of my true galactic nature.
This awareness has come around time and time again, and yet in the past, it would come up and present itself with less frequency and regularity. Only once in a while would I have to confront this truth about myself, and then I could forget about it until it would surface up again. However, it is coming up increasingly more often and unexpectedly. Right in sync with the Mayan calendar and moving into the Galatic cycle. But that's a whole other conversation!
This all ties back to the beginning of my conversation with Betsy when she asked my how long I have been doing this. Well, back in 2003, I actually followed an impulse deep from within me to attend a "galatic counseling" training in Kansas City. How weird is that, and just what was I thinking?! 7 years ago. With the very few people I shared this with, I would laugh and very quietly whisper, the "G" word. Shhhh....don't say it too loud, someone might hear!
And then I moved far away from admitting that this was the training I went to. I re-labeled it "intuitive" so that I could be more socially acceptable. This has been fine for a number of years, and damn it if it isn't fine any more. I thought coming out of the closet was challenging. Coming out of the wardrobe is going to be the ultimate challenge.
To tie this all together is walking the Celtic Camino. My walking the Celtic Camino is the act of integrating the galactic with the human on Earth. I walk literally on the sacred and ancient path of the Celtic Camino on the Earth to weave the galactic and the human together, to create the template for the Earth to receive the galactic, so that the human body can receive the galactic. These two elements/dimensions must come together for humans to ascend. Ascension is nothing more than a remembering and reconnecting with our true galactic nature, and ultimately returning home to the wholeness of who we are. We are both human and galactic beings. Earth became split and separated from the rest of the galaxy and has believed itself to be the only planet with life. So isolated, so split off, Earth and its residents believed that it was the only life in this universe. Out of its separateness, it couldn't fathom or figure out how there could be life anywhere else. This also served to cushion itself from the pain and trauma of separation for if there is nothing to be separate from, then Earth is not separate, and there could be no pain. The pain and shame of the separation was too much to bear, so that it was easier to remove the source of pain and pretend like it wasn't there.
Yet Earth and its people are separate. And the time has come for the isolation to end and for Earth to come back to its rightful, connected and integrated place in the Universe.
This is why I walk the Celtic Camino. It is my act of integrating my galacticness and humanness and to create a pathway for other humans to remember their own galactic connections. We are all from different places all over the Universe, hence the diversity. We are here not to become the same. We actually to celebrate our diversity within the unity of our galactic roots. This is the lesson of Earth - to celebrate our diversity and differences with the unity of all life, that we have life, are alive.
The Celtic Camino is the path of the sacred Tree of Life. The Tree of Life connects the 1st chakra to the 7th chakra, and is the conduit between the stars, the realm of the galactic and the higher dimensions, with the core of the Earth, the first dimension. As humans, our bodies are the Tree of Life with our legs as the roots reaching down to the first dimension, the trunk and head of our body as the trunk and head of the tree; and our arms like the branches reaching toward the stars and the chakras incorporated within. As above, so below. As within, so without. The Earth also embodies the Tree of Life. The first chakra is Santiago de Compostela in Spain, up to the 7th chakra of Rosslyn in Scotland. This is the Celtic Camino, and this is the path I will be walking in 2011.
Today I open up to another level of acceptance of my own "G" nature. No, let me spell that out. Today, I open up to receive and accept who I am as a Galactic being. Thank you.
The healing has begun, begun. The healing has begun. We are sisters on a journey, shining out as one. Remembering the ancient ones, the healing has begun, begun. The healing has begun.
Suseya!
Sahara
Sunday, September 8, 2024
The Paradox of the Split
May 9, 2010
Have you ever become aware of a dynamic in yourself, your life and/or your body that is so core to your life experience that is related to everything about you and that at the same time, it is not you, not the real, essential, core YOU?
This is my relationship and experience to the split that I have experienced on every level of my being, from the body to the soul level.
Physically, I have a split in the "recti abdominus" muscle of my abdomen, as the result of being pregnant with 4 babies, who became increasingly larger with each pregnancy, from 6 pounds 2 ounces up to 10 pounds 9 ounces.
Emotionally, I have split from my Inner Child, that part of me that expresses my instincts as well as my fears, and is intimately connected to my body. I continually try to move forward without her, and of course, ultimately, get nowhere.
Mentally, I have split between my heart and my mind, my feelings and my intellect. I can feel what I love and desire only to talk myself out of it because it doesn't fit the parameters of what is right, or how it should be.
On a soul level, I have felt split from my Source, the deep spiritual place within each of us. I can intellectually know it is there, but I haven't been intrinsically connected to this inner place.
Some of this almost sounds cliche-ish, and superficial. Yet my experience of the split affects me on every level of my being in every moment of my life.
Where do I even begin?
With where I am right now, writing this blog. My intention is to write my story and share my experience of Healing the Split - Walking Home to Wholeness. Truthfully, it is more for me than anyone else, but at the same time, if this benefits anyone else, or serves as a catalyst for your own healing into wholeness, then it will have more than served its purpose.
Somehow, I feel as though "healing the split" is my soul's mission in this life, and I am just getting that right now at 51 years old. I guess you could say, I am "owning" my specific purpose for being here on Earth in this body. I have been circling around it, hovering you might say, in one way or another, for 20 years.
Back in early 1990, I experienced "the split" in my body on the physical level when I was about 6 months pregnant with my tiny first baby. It didn't take much for the split to occur. I can still remember the night that I turned over in bed and felt this searing pain down the middle of my belly, like I was being ripped open from the inside out. I knew immediately that the baby was okay, and that it was my body experiencing something unexpected and very painful. I learned to wrap my arms around my belly, like a sling, whenever I turned over to hold the muscles together. I learned very quickly to compensate by using other muscles to do what I had used these recti muscles for. If I didn't, I would experience the searing pain of the tear again.
So for all of these years, of being a mother, raising my 4 children - the youngest is 8 years old and the oldest is of course, 20 years old, I have "dealt with" the split by compensating and using more external muscles of my hips and legs, not doing certain kinds of exercise like yoga and Pilates, because when I did, I would feel weak and incompetent. Instead of practicing them to become stronger and cohere the muscles, it was as though there was such an essential weakness in my core muscles that I have chosen to just avoid. Much simpler and less messy (which of course translates to less emotional.)
As I write this, I am remembering a little ritual I did midway through the summer of 1989 with 2 of my dearest friends, Thia and Jasmine. I did not know that I was physically pregnant at the time, but I felt "pregnant" with the possibilities for myself. I even wore a dress for the ritual that was flow-y and loose like a maternity dress. Mostly what I remember is that in this ritual, with my friends as my witness, I committed on a very deep level to my Self and to healing the shame that separated me from her - to "heal the split." This ritual felt at the time like a convergence of lifetimes and healings and separations, and very important and necessary for me to engage in. I was making a soul commitment. I knew that something important had transpired with the promises and commitments that I had made and ritualized. I had stepped into something profound for myself.
And then I found out that I was pregnant. And all of my focus and energies went into this divine yet unexpected process and curve in my life's journey.
And I forgot about the ritual and the commitments I made. Becoming a mother became my sole focus.
Here I am 20 years later, and what I now realize that I have been living out of the commitments I made that day to "heal the split" even when I have forgotten. No matter. It is my mission and my purpose, both when I remember and when I forget. I committed to something bigger and greater than myself during that ritual - it almost feels like when we make marriage vows - and those commitments and promises create the container from which we live and create our life and ourselves.
The container is bigger than the split. The container holds the split. The split is actually an illusion. It doesn't really exist. And yet it does. But it doesn't. Such is the nature of duality...and unity. I am actually the container, but I have lived my day-to-day life from the belief that "I am the split." That is the split right there in action. This is getting very esoteric, and I feel like I am so close to the pulse of a deep spiritual truth that is Truth for all of humanity, all of the Universe. I can almost touch it. I can feel the paradox of that there truly is no split, and yet the split is all there is. It is here manifested in my belly and in my life. Carolyn Myss says that you know that Spirit is present when paradox is present. Thank you for this paradox.
I take a deep breath back into my humanness and invite you to join me on this journey of coming home to our wholeness. It will be intensely and vulnerably personal. It will be unpolished. It will be real and authentic. It will be healing, although there is nothing to heal. It will be a journey, a sacred pilgrimage, although we are all already home and there is no journey. Such is the mystery of the paradox. I welcome the opportunity to walk beside you and for each of us, all of us, to come home to our wholeness.
Suseya!
Sahara
This is my relationship and experience to the split that I have experienced on every level of my being, from the body to the soul level.
Physically, I have a split in the "recti abdominus" muscle of my abdomen, as the result of being pregnant with 4 babies, who became increasingly larger with each pregnancy, from 6 pounds 2 ounces up to 10 pounds 9 ounces.
Emotionally, I have split from my Inner Child, that part of me that expresses my instincts as well as my fears, and is intimately connected to my body. I continually try to move forward without her, and of course, ultimately, get nowhere.
Mentally, I have split between my heart and my mind, my feelings and my intellect. I can feel what I love and desire only to talk myself out of it because it doesn't fit the parameters of what is right, or how it should be.
On a soul level, I have felt split from my Source, the deep spiritual place within each of us. I can intellectually know it is there, but I haven't been intrinsically connected to this inner place.
Some of this almost sounds cliche-ish, and superficial. Yet my experience of the split affects me on every level of my being in every moment of my life.
Where do I even begin?
With where I am right now, writing this blog. My intention is to write my story and share my experience of Healing the Split - Walking Home to Wholeness. Truthfully, it is more for me than anyone else, but at the same time, if this benefits anyone else, or serves as a catalyst for your own healing into wholeness, then it will have more than served its purpose.
Somehow, I feel as though "healing the split" is my soul's mission in this life, and I am just getting that right now at 51 years old. I guess you could say, I am "owning" my specific purpose for being here on Earth in this body. I have been circling around it, hovering you might say, in one way or another, for 20 years.
Back in early 1990, I experienced "the split" in my body on the physical level when I was about 6 months pregnant with my tiny first baby. It didn't take much for the split to occur. I can still remember the night that I turned over in bed and felt this searing pain down the middle of my belly, like I was being ripped open from the inside out. I knew immediately that the baby was okay, and that it was my body experiencing something unexpected and very painful. I learned to wrap my arms around my belly, like a sling, whenever I turned over to hold the muscles together. I learned very quickly to compensate by using other muscles to do what I had used these recti muscles for. If I didn't, I would experience the searing pain of the tear again.
So for all of these years, of being a mother, raising my 4 children - the youngest is 8 years old and the oldest is of course, 20 years old, I have "dealt with" the split by compensating and using more external muscles of my hips and legs, not doing certain kinds of exercise like yoga and Pilates, because when I did, I would feel weak and incompetent. Instead of practicing them to become stronger and cohere the muscles, it was as though there was such an essential weakness in my core muscles that I have chosen to just avoid. Much simpler and less messy (which of course translates to less emotional.)
As I write this, I am remembering a little ritual I did midway through the summer of 1989 with 2 of my dearest friends, Thia and Jasmine. I did not know that I was physically pregnant at the time, but I felt "pregnant" with the possibilities for myself. I even wore a dress for the ritual that was flow-y and loose like a maternity dress. Mostly what I remember is that in this ritual, with my friends as my witness, I committed on a very deep level to my Self and to healing the shame that separated me from her - to "heal the split." This ritual felt at the time like a convergence of lifetimes and healings and separations, and very important and necessary for me to engage in. I was making a soul commitment. I knew that something important had transpired with the promises and commitments that I had made and ritualized. I had stepped into something profound for myself.
And then I found out that I was pregnant. And all of my focus and energies went into this divine yet unexpected process and curve in my life's journey.
And I forgot about the ritual and the commitments I made. Becoming a mother became my sole focus.
Here I am 20 years later, and what I now realize that I have been living out of the commitments I made that day to "heal the split" even when I have forgotten. No matter. It is my mission and my purpose, both when I remember and when I forget. I committed to something bigger and greater than myself during that ritual - it almost feels like when we make marriage vows - and those commitments and promises create the container from which we live and create our life and ourselves.
The container is bigger than the split. The container holds the split. The split is actually an illusion. It doesn't really exist. And yet it does. But it doesn't. Such is the nature of duality...and unity. I am actually the container, but I have lived my day-to-day life from the belief that "I am the split." That is the split right there in action. This is getting very esoteric, and I feel like I am so close to the pulse of a deep spiritual truth that is Truth for all of humanity, all of the Universe. I can almost touch it. I can feel the paradox of that there truly is no split, and yet the split is all there is. It is here manifested in my belly and in my life. Carolyn Myss says that you know that Spirit is present when paradox is present. Thank you for this paradox.
I take a deep breath back into my humanness and invite you to join me on this journey of coming home to our wholeness. It will be intensely and vulnerably personal. It will be unpolished. It will be real and authentic. It will be healing, although there is nothing to heal. It will be a journey, a sacred pilgrimage, although we are all already home and there is no journey. Such is the mystery of the paradox. I welcome the opportunity to walk beside you and for each of us, all of us, to come home to our wholeness.
Suseya!
Sahara
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