Been home just over 3 days now. Yesterday I slept - I took a 3 plus hour nap during the afternoon, and then slept from 8:30 to nearly 4:30 this morning. The heaviness that was hanging on me since Thursday night has lifted. I feel more clear, more here. I am home!
I went for my first walk since being home yesterday morning with Steve. Perfect timing in every way, and the sun was out. A golden autumn morning that turned into wind, dark clouds and rain right after we walked. As I walked, I could feel my body move within itself. What had become stagnant sitting on the plane for 12 hours, flying at superfast speeds, and then feeling jetlagged for 3 days, began to move and shift to release its grip. I felt even more tired when I got home from the walk, but I knew it was the stagnancy moving through. I love to walk. Have I shared that before?! I simply love to walk. Walking is my quiet space, my meditation, my home. I love to walk alone, and I love to walk with loved ones and friends. Getting to walk with Steve yesterday gave us a chance to have a deeper conversation about my Camino, for him to ask me good questions, and for me to ponder and reflect on what he was asking me. Walking slows us down, and allows us to move and travel at a speed that our bodies inherently and naturally move. I feel integrated, whole, and connected when I walk - to myself, my Self, the person(s) I am walking with, the Earth, and Spirit.
Steve asked me several really good questions, one of them being "What are you bringing home from the Camino?" Good question. What am I bringing home?
Wow...I just had to go and visit my emails, Facebook, and my calendar to let that question percolate. I could begin to answer it yesterday while walking, but to answer it here and now by writing it feels like a daunting task.
I may have to spiral around with thoughts and impulses that come up so that I can get to the core of the question and the core of my answer.
I am bringing home that I am a peregrina, a pilgrim. I love to walk. I love to walk the Camino. I love the Camino. I mentioned in an earlier blog that last year I fell in love with the Camino, and this year I got to develop a deeper relationship with it and cultivate a deep love. For me, the Camino is magical, profound, magnetic, resonant. I just love walking the Camino - every day in every way. It resonates deep within my body, and deep within my soul. It just does. It just is. I couldn't even begin to explain why or how. It just is.
This admission of my love for the Camino is opening up my desire, actually my Desire. Feeling into how I feel about the Camino is offering me the opportunity to feel, and know, and acknowledge, and own - what I truly, deeply desire from my heart and soul. I am re-connecting with my Desire.
For me, right now and in this very moment, this is the essence of what I am bringing home from the Camino. My Desire. The Desire and longing, and wanting, and dreaming, from inside of me, from my Self and my Soul. Not what others want for me, or what I should want, but what I want and Desire.
The split between me and what I desire is healing. I can now feel, and know what it is that I desire. I don't have to push it away, minimize it, disregard it. I can just accept and acknowledge it, actually allow it to just be.
Desire is how our Soul communicates to us. It is the guiding light that shines the next step on our divine path for us. Without Desire, we have no rudder to steer or keep us on our path. Each and all of us has a sacred path and task that is ours, and only ours, to fulfill. How can we truly know, deep within our bellies and our being, what our sacred task is without Desire? It shines the light and illuminates the path, the way to fulfill the sacred task(s).
More to be explored...
Suseya!
Sarah
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