The Journey Continues...

I have been home for 5 weeks now - home for as long as I was away on the Camino.  Sometimes I feel as though it takes me as long to re-enter as the time I was journeying.  This time I have been allowing myself to re-enter more slowly and quietly, with my desire to be present with my family and friends as the central intention.  I am in the midst of clearing out my office and creating it with an openness and space to allow in the new unfolding of my life.  I moved all the stuff out on Sunday, and here we are on Thursday with most of the stuff still sitting on my family's dining room table.  While I can take note that I am up early and sitting in my office to write (which means that a certain level of creation has occurred - I have taken out 2 chairs for clients to sit in, and moved in just one comfy chair for me to sit in while I read, write, talk with clients on the phone, and ponder), I am very aware that I do not want to automatically move all the stuff back in.  My focus is shifting - I actually moved out my notebooks from coaching school - I am claiming my coaching and what I do know; my notebooks from Own It Sister! - I am releasing and letting go of the past 2 years of my life and allowing the new venture to come in; my notebooks filled with notes from old clients - I no longer want to coach clients one-on-one.  My bookshelf is now in a prominent, accessible place (before it was on the other side of my desk and hard to get to).  I am including my books on the Camino; Mary Magdalene and the Divine Feminine; Celtic wisdom and spirituality; money and wealth; and some of my most favorite reference books, by authors such as Carolyn Myss and Barbara Hand Clow.  These books clearly reflect the direction I am preparing to head in 2011.

One of my intentions and desires is to write an engaging and magnetic book on my pilgrimage on the Celtic Camino.  While there is a lot to sort out and to become clear on, I am receiving quite clear impulses on the content of the book.  For now, I have titled the book, A Woman's Pilgrimage on the Celtic Camino: Healing the Split and Walking Home to Wholeness.  On Saturday, I am attending a workshop with Kathleen MacGowan and her partner, Phillip Coppens.  Kathleen is the author of The Expected One, Book of Love, and The Poet Prince, 3 novels that have resonated with my knowing about the true story of Mary Magdalene, the sacred bloodline, and the sacred Feminine.  I am so excited to meet her, as I have been developing a relationship with her over Facebook.  It is a joy to be in communication with a bestselling author whose books I love and respect on many levels.

Connected with this intention is my deep desire to return to the Camino and to walk and lead a small group of women on the next leg of the journey from Puenta la Reina and the Eunate Church along the Camino Aragones over Somport Pass along the Via Tolosana to Toulouse.

Eunate Church, where the Camino Aragones joins the Camino Frances

Another intention is to assist my father to market and lead a tour in Cornwall in June based on the historical fiction novel that he is writing on 18th century Cornwall. I am so excited for him and what he is creating at 78 years old, and I truly want to support him in any way that I can.  Plus I get to be in England again, with him, in Cornwall, and assist him to lead a small group on a journey.  How great is that!

My third intention is to build a strong and collaborative business that generates a powerful residual income for me and my family. My big dream is to be able to live in Colorado and England and to be free of location for my income, to be able to travel, walk and move as I desire, to create from my deep feminine well of creativity, abundance and prosperity, and to be able to offer and share this with others.  I want other people to live their dreams and to get to create from a powerful, and empowering place within themselves that both reflects and infuses the new paradigm of co-creation.  No more doing it alone, no more struggle, and no more living small and out of fear and lack.  I left that back on the Camino.  I am owning what I want, and have committed to living from my deepest and biggest desires and dreams.  Want to join me?!

I had to put away my Own It, Sister! notebooks so that I could live into and embody owning it!  No more just talking about it - now is my time to live into what owning it really means, what it looks like for me, and to express it fully in my life and into the world. I am committed to the new paradigm of co-creating with the feminine power that has been denied for thousands of years.  I have denied it in myself, both personally and  globally.  Every time I do or say something to look good, or right, to others, I deny myself and my true and inherent beauty, gifts, talent, and purpose, and in turn, I deny it in others. Every time I play small, or from fear, I deny it.  Every time I avoid my fears, I deny it.  Every time I sidestep, I deny it.  I even have to own that I have denied it, and to stop denying that I have denied it.

Now is both my time and opportunity to recognize all that has stopped me and kept me small and name it, see it, hold it, let it go, and from this, choose.  Choose fear, or choose love.  Simple.  Choose, and choose again, and again, and again.

I walked with fear on the Camino - much of these past 5 weeks has been about my deeply recognizing that I chose to walk with fear on the Camino.  That has been the Camino's gift to me - the recognition that I chose to walk with fear.  I am not fear, but I did have it right there along beside me (or in front or behind, but never out of sight).  I walked 500 kilometers with fear, so that I would know, in an experiential and embodied way, what it looks and feels like for me to walk with fear and what the consequences of that choice is for me.  So often, I placated, I pleased, I kept quiet, I acquiesced.  I doubted myself and I hid behind the fear.

To walk the first leg of the Celtic Camino with fear is an essential catalyst for my walking home to wholeness, for only when we recognize that we have split and are separate, can we feel our longing to be whole and connected.

The journey continues...

Suseya!
Sarah