As I'm sure that I have mentioned, the Celtic Camino follows a sacred configuration up the 7 chakras of the Earth. The pilgrimage begins in Santiago de Compostela, Spain which is the site of the first chakra. This pilgrimage is considered to be a "pilgrimage of initiation" and when initiates would undergo this journey, they would first physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepare for the journey. Their preparation would take place in Sintra (Cintra), Portugal where there is a column that partners the column at Rosslyn. Together, these columns would create an arc over the Celtic Camino path, uniting it as one journey under its arc.
Last year, my preparation was the 10 days of walking El Camino to Santiago. This year, I actually considered going to Sintra but have decided not to for various reasons. Yet Sintra has come to me.
Yesterday, I received an email from Luiza, whom I met on the Camino last year because she knew of Sue and happened to stay at the same albergue we stayed one night. I am aware of now that from the moment that I met her, Luiza is one of my Celtic Camino angels and guides. She gave me the name "Celtic Camino" - when I told her what I was doing, she said, "Oh, that journey is called the Celtic Camino." She also asked if I had gone to Sintra. I remember feeling ashamed that I had not been there, and actually did not remember reading about it in Rosslyn by Tim Wallace-Murphy. Of course, when I went back to the book, there it was.
Luiza and I corresponded a few times over this past year, and then last week I tracked down her email address again to write to her. I wanted to let her know that I was walking the Celtic Camino, and also about Sue being on Own It, Sister! Radio. In the past week, we have now corresponded several times and Luiza has been sharing with me both some rich and revealing information, and asking rich and probing questions. Thank you, Luiza.
Luiza is my Celtic Camino Angel. She is bringing Sintra to me. In her email yesterday, she shared her experience in Sintra with me, that was in its essence, an initiation. She was privy to one of the core teachings of the Camino: As above, so below...and in her words to me, she said, "this applies to your Celtic Camino."
The Camino at work. The Camino provides exactly what you need, and you can receive it as long as you stay open, and willing to listen to and honor the impulses from within... to ask so many questions, and the right questions, that the hidden places are revealed.
When I walked into Santiago last year, I walked into the city by myself. For 10 days, I had walked with the group - Vanda, Linda, Wendy and Paul, led by Sue. When we gathered at the top of Mont Gozo, we had already agreed that we would walk into Santiago individually, so my assumption was that was what we were still doing. Linda had just arrived and I knew that I was ready to keep walking. So I decided to head on, by myself, out of our agreement. It felt so right to walk by myself this last day of the Camino. Not sure why, but I felt very content, strong, and connected to myself, and I wanted to own for myself entering Santiago and the Old City. I felt great, and I also felt sad that this wonderful journey was coming to an end. I wanted to be with all of my own experience. I knew that this day would be my last day of simply being on the path and walking. I had my own experience of seeing the Cathedral for the first time, of walking around it, of entering into it as hundreds of pilgrims poured out of the noon Pilgrims' Mass. I went by myself to the Pilgrims' Office to receive my compostela that I had completed El Camino de Santiago and was now officially a Camino pilgrim. I found the hotel by myself. I was actually very happy and content.
It was all good until I met up with the group later in the afternoon at our hotel. I found out that they had all walked in together. They had gotten a different compostela (certificate) than I had received - they had the "right" one. Somehow I received the "wrong" one because I had said my pilgrimage was not "religious". I actually spent quite a bit of time trying to get the "right" one because I wanted to do it "right" and have the same compostela that they had. (It turns out that I actually love my compostela and its beautiful design.) They had all entered together. They had gone to the Cathedral together. They had shared a special treat together.
I felt so alone, and so separate from the group. I felt ashamed that I had gone off by myself. I felt not included and unloved. I felt as though I had done something very wrong by leaving the group, doing something on my own, and enjoying myself for having done so. There I was - in the culmination of El Camino...and as it turns out, in the initiation of the Celtic Camino.
First Chakra. According to Carolyn Myss, the first chakra is:
the foundation of emotional and mental health. Your connection to traditional family beliefs supports the formation of identity and a sense of belonging to a group.My Camino group had become my family on the Camino for the past ten days, and I had been an integral part of the group. I experienced a sense of belonging and my being in this group did inform my identity as a pilgrim on this Camino.
And then I made this decision, out of what I had understood to be the "family" or group agreement, to walk in to Santiago by myself, only to find out that I was the only one who made that choice.
All of my issues with family, belonging, identity, and connection flared up for me. It was so hard. Yet, there it all was - the issues of the first chakra up to be acknowledged, healed, worked through and integrated. In my few days in Santiago with the group, I came to realize that I was loved, I still was part of the group, and that even though I had walked in by myself and had not experienced completing the Camino with them, that the only thing that was separating me from the group was me. It was my own issues and challenges with being myself, honoring myself, even if - even when - it meant I had to do something apart from all of them.
I walked into the first chakra through this heightened, intense experience with my Camino "family" in Santiago, the site of the first chakra of the Celtic Camino. As I completed the one journey, I simultaneously began the other.
Now, here I am preparing to begin it again...and the inner preparation has begun.
Last night we enjoyed an evening with 3 of my closest friends and all of our husbands. I had seen Thia and Andy last weekend and Thia had asked about the Camino then. When I shared that I was going back, I felt that what I was sharing was bringing up her own stuff. So last night, after everyone else had left the table, we talked for a short while privately. I felt myself want to insist how scared I was feeling about all of this - that this was big and scary, and that my doubts were up. It was like I really wanted her to know that. That it wasn't all just wonderful and exciting and expanding. I shrank with her - in my attempt to take care of her, out of what I perceived last week in her, and ultimately, so that she would still love me and include me in her life, even though I was taking off and doing something out of the ordinary and out of our daily lives.
I watched myself do this. On one hand, I couldn't believe I was doing it. On the other hand, it felt so natural and familiar. This is my first chakra programming. To cultivate my own sense of belonging and connection to my family, and my friends, I give them what I think they want and need. If they want me to be small and scared, and not know what I want, then that is what I will give them...and have given them for years and years. I split from my true self, and I become what I think they want and need from me. I have so desperately wanted them to feel comfortable with me, and to love and accept me because I want them to continue to want me to be a part of their lives. I want them to want me and to include me, so I have been willing to do whatever it takes, even separate from and abandon myself.
So here it is, presenting itself to me in undeniable terms. Thank you, thank you. My preparation has begun. My commitment to myself and to the Celtic Camino is to take the next step and to call Thia and share with her what I have done, and to complete this dynamic with her. Part of stepping onto the Celtic Camino is the recognition that the challenges and circumstances that present themselves are all part of the journey, and that how I respond to, deal with, work with these challenges is actually how I walk the pilgrimage. In Whitney's words, "how I deal with anything is how I deal with everything." They are reflective of each other, and inform each other. The journey starts right here, right now. And my commitment to myself, to being a pilgrim, and to the Celtic Camino is integrity, connection, and love, all out of my soul's intention to heal the split.
Suseya!
Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment