Part 3.
This past week has been such an expected gift. Never did I imagine that last Sunday I would be engaged in such a deep healing and transformation process that involved my relationship with my mother. But I have, and I am so grateful.
On Wednesday, my mother called and asked if I still wanted to go out to lunch on Thursday. This invitation felt like an Invitation, and one that I both didn't want to or shouldn't decline. I said yes.
I have realized over this past week that I can actually love my mother more fully and unconditionally when I just accept her for who she is, as distinct from her views and beliefs. Just for WHO she is. It sounds so simple as I type this now, but who she has been for me has been so collapsed into her beliefs.
I am getting this understanding on many levels about many things, including money! You mean that there's a connection between my relationship with my mother and my relationship with money?! Now there's a new connection.
It comes back to a teaching from the Forum - that we are meaning making machines. There is "what happened", or in this case, "this person", and in its essence, they are neutral. They just are. Then there is the meaning we put on what happened or this person or thing. We choose to connect them to a meaning that helps us to make sense of our world and our experiences. It seems to me that we put the most meaning onto something when we have felt hurt, victimized, unloved or unaccepted, or the complete opposite, when we feel the most loved, accepted, met, adored, and successful. We take those experiences and weave them them so indistinguishably together that we forget we ever put the meaning on the thing/person/circumstance in the first place.
How I use my body to illustrate this is to twist my forefinger around my middle finger. Do this. Your two fingers standing twisted together is the collapsed experience or concept. Now untwist them and separate the fingers into a "V". Each of your fingers standing separately is the distinguished thing/person/circumstance on one side, and the meaning you have given it on the other side.
If you've given meaning to it at one time, you can choose to release the meaning that you have given it, and either replace it with another meaning, or better yet, choose to release all meaning and allow it to remain neutral.
What's possible then?
Back to my lunch with my mother.
I felt centered in my body and I was especially aware of my first chakra. I connected to my truth, my desires and to my spirit/soul. And I became present. I didn't try to fill up the space. I just let it be with my mother and to fully engage lovingly with her. I grew up and became an adult with her.
So when she brought up her concerns about my going away for so long, I acknowledged and thanked her for her concerns, and actually even aligned with her around them. Yes, I too am concerned....AND then shared what I am doing to address them. I watched her do her dance of "building her case" with me, and this time, I just observed it, and her in the process. And I loved her all the way through the conversation. It was so simple.
It was not about her being right, and therefore I must be wrong. I could listen to and actually receive the gifts within her concerns, and ask her to help with my son, Michael, while I am gone and actually start now by spending Tuesday afternoons after school with him. They love to cook together. I could ask myself some of the questions she was asking me, and go within myself to answer them. I was standing in my own two feet on my own two legs connected to my personal code of honor, AND I could love and accept my mother and be so grateful that she loves me enough to be concerned, and it still here to share this concern.
I had collapsed that my mother means imposing herself and her beliefs, rules and ways of doing/being onto me, that means I was doing it wrong, that means I am wrong. While she has done this to me, she is NOT this, which then also translates into that I am not doing it wrong, and that I am not wrong. This then opens up freedom and expansion around me just loving and accepting myself. It brings me back to me, to my core, to my connection with Spirit. I then get to express Spirit in me through me as me. And the split is healed. I am back home within myself, seeing and experiencing the world and myself through my own eyes, my own ears, my own heart, my own spirit. I can own that experience, and make my choices from within myself, connected, whole and complete.
The spiritual truth of the root chakra is that "All is One" (Carolyn Myss, The Anatomy of Spirit) We are all one, and this truth gives us the permission, actually more than that - it gives us mandate to be connected and true to ourselves and our authentic expression and creative impulses. We are all one - no matter what. So we don't have to be all alike, think alike, live alike, act alike. The oneness permeates the very ground we walk on. I think of the stand of aspen trees. They are each unique, individual trees which are connected through a unifying root system under the ground. One organism, many trees. We are all one. We are all one. It is this simple. One family, many people. Many expressions of the oneness. We can never be separated, or split off from each other. So let's celebrate, love, accept each other, and call each other's greatness into being.
Thank you, Mom, for all of who you've been for me, and for loving me so much that you would be the grist for my mill, and for being one of my most loving angels and guides even when it felt like the complete opposite. We are one. We are connected - familially and divinely. I am so blessed. I am so grateful.
The circle is complete.
Suseya!
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