Last night I stayed up working until past midnight. I rarely do that because I want to get to bed early so that I can get up early and write. I am so grateful then when my dog, Molly, needs to go out at 5:30 in the morning because then I get up too. Thank you Molly. I am here writing at 6am on a beautiful summery Saturday morning, without having set the alarm and on only 5 hours of sleep. Maybe I'll take a nap this afternoon!
As I went to bed, I had 2 more series of "diastasis rehab" exercises to do before I could go to sleep. I do 5 series of 100 contractions (pulling my engaged transverse muscle in as far back as I can go) daily, and usually I do 3 in the morning, and then 2 more as I go to bed. Doing these exercises on a daily committed basis is the fuel for this process of healing the split. I first wrote that it is the catalyst. That's not so. My intention and aligning with my soul's path is the catalyst. Doing the exercises is the fuel that feeds and keeps me engaged in this process. Otherwise, it would get lost in the busy-ness of my life and become just another good idea.
You know, this is actually a very important point. Engaging on the physical level is essential. I am getting this as I write it. For me, it is not enough to just think about it, feel it, comtemplate it. I can do that, and I have done that many times. Now I see how it has only taken me so far. I typically have run out of fuel in the midst of the process, and I have been left with an incomplete skeleton. Those bones end up in the closet of something else I intended to complete but didn't quite get to. And then I have this incompletion weighing on me along with all the other incompletions, which makes the healing work heavier and harder. I am caught in a vicious cycle of incompletion which is fed by more shame and self-blame, and as long as I attempt to complete and heal without engaging with my body in the physical realm, it's all just a good idea that isn't really such a good idea.
Round and round we go...
I have been split from my body.
I keep trying to heal and remember my wholeness without engaging my body and only through my mind, feelings and emotions. The healing is in engaging and embracing my body, in loving and accepting my body, and allowing it to guide and show me.
Just like it is doing right now. Staying connected with my body through this process and continuing to do the exercises on a daily basis is both the fuel and the touchstone for healing the split. I don't go away and forget about it. I can't because every day I get up and do the contractions. Every night I go to bed and do the contractions. In fact, I had better do them right now.
I give thanks to my beautiful body, the perfect body for me, my soul's path, and my mission. In this moment, I get that no other body could be mine. It is this body that is my ally and companion on my journey. It is created and structured perfectly for me, the lessons I need and get to learn, and for the mission I am here to fulfill. From my feet, up my solid legs, into my strong hips and full belly, up through my torso with my loving heart, to my beautiful shoulders and arms, and up through my neck and head, this is my beautiful, perfect as it is, strong, able body. I love it. I love my body. I accept it in its wholeness and perfection of what it is and how it looks, just how it is in this moment and every moment. I realize that it has always been there every moment for me, every moment.
I give thanks. I give deep, loving thanks. I am so grateful and I am so blessed.
Suseya,
Sahara
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