Dear Money,

June 9, 2010

Dear Money,

I am writing to you to express my gratitude to you.  I speak from a higher place in me to a higher place in you.

As I delve deep into my memory, I know that I have lived lives that have been both extremes of wealth and poverty, and where when that was imposed upon me, inside I was miserable, lonely, and filled with grief and fear.  It was the times when I chose poverty, from an abundant and prosperous frame of mind and experience, that I was the happiest.  These are the times when I chose to be of service to God, usually within the arms of the Church.  I didn’t have to assume any responsibility for money – the Church did that for me.  I didn’t have to worry about clothing, food or shelter.  That was all given to me.  I could focus on my spiritual practice and my spiritual service of administering to the sick and poor.  I could love them and look into their eyes so that they didn’t feel so alone and abandoned.

I chose poverty because of the wealth of love I felt in my heart.  This is when I felt the most prosperous, happy, connected and true to myself and what I could offer humanity.  Money, wealth, position, responsibility and all of those trappings couldn’t snare me in their trap.  I was free.

So here I am in this lifetime, growing up amongst the rich and living admist wealth, always being in it but not of it, not having financial wealth or security, and always feeling less than, not good enough, not rich enough, not smart enough because I have never had money. 

I feel like I have lived in the midst of such wealth and beauty (in terms of the location, homes, etc,) as a daily reminder of the wealth because it was not about getting away from it this time.  It was not about living in poverty within the safety of the Church.  It was not about living in the slums with other poor people and becoming one of them.  It also was not about living in Indian Hill and the wealthy and becoming one of them.

It has been about walking and owning my path in the midst of either, both, whatever, and being in but not of.  Even as a nun, I could venture into the poverty without being of it.  I had a wealth of spirit, and I had the protection and security of the Church.

Church was like an all providing father who took care of my basic material needs so that I could serve it, and keep it running smoothly and efficiently, as long as I continued to serve and be part of the family system.  Which I usually did without question as that was how I served.

Until recently when I realized that the Church did not value me, or my insights, or intuitions, or wisdom.  It was all fine as long as I talked the Church line, the Bible, woman as whore and the cause of sin.  But I knew that this was not true.  Everything in me rebelled against this slandering of women, of the feminine, of our true knowledge and wisdom that was getting lost in the midst of the hierarchy of the Church.

So, though I tried to continue to have the protection and security of the Church, I did not experience the joy and the happiness that I had in earlier lives.  To be in the Church, I had to cut off from my true self.  To be true to myself, I had to be willing to be poor.  These was not much middle ground for me.  The lives I had in the middle were boring, uninspiring and mostly uneventful, until something would wake me up and I made a move to be true to myself.  Often this didn’t end well in terms of my physical being, but my spiritual self was alive and awake to my true purpose.

I had the image come up on when I tried to live in the middle, such as in the middle of the split in my belly, it was like mush.  I was safe, quiet, neither rich nor poor, complacent, not visible.  It felt as though I had blinders on to my true self, Spirit, the truth about life, love and what’s really important.  I loved my families, friends, communities, but not with all my heart and being… not with outrageous love.  It was all just contained.  I worked hard and money was there, just enough but never more than enough.  I was enough.  Money was enough.  Love was enough.  Life was enough.

I lived asleep, and I died asleep.

This life I chose to be awake to my true path, to my true calling, to my passion, my service.  Enough compromise, enough complacency.  I chose to heal the split on every level of my life. 

And live, walk, weave, dream, love within the wholeness of who I am.  Not within the mush of the unhealed split where no power, awareness or desire can live.

But within the dynamic, cohesive, interplay of the dance of the extremes – on the razor’s edge where the opposites meet and unite – where any presence of asleep, complacency, compromise causes the split to re-open; causes me to fall of the edge back into oblivion;

This razor’s edge is about vigilance, connectivity, passion, truth.

To heal the split to have a flat stomach is just not what this is all about.  To heal the split to become normal and unnoticed is just not what this is all about.  Go live in the mush inbetween the edges if that is what I want. 

I’ve done that…

So why heal the split?

If these extremes serve you to be awake and enlivened, why heal the split?

Because this lifetime is about integration, compassion both/and.  I have lived the either/or-ness of life.  I actually have lived the integration.  I am here to bring my experience of a higher dimensional integration to Earth and infuse the 3D with this higher energy. 

It is how to live authentically on the razor’s edge of the healed split, not fall off or back into either/or-ness.  Both/and is a very dynamic state to live in – there is nothing passive or relaxing about it, because as soon as you relax into it, either/or-ness is there to pull you back into lower world.

So, Money, what does this have to do with you?

You are part of the either/or.

You promote the have’s and the have-not’s.

You are the masculine in all of its extremes – cold, hard cash.  Heartless, uncaring, arrogant, dismissive, disrespectful, all important, exclusive, hardened, enslaving, power over.  You are the Big White Male in all of his ugliness, hardheartedness, arrogance, meanness, and dismissiveness.  And yet everybody wants and needs you to “survive” on this planet at this time.

You are the single dimensional, cold, metallic means of exchange.  At one time, you were multidimensional, warm, generative, caring, expansive, heart centered.  But as our world became patriarchal and male dominated, you gave up your feminine qualities to survive, be necessary and to be used and loved.  Didn’t matter if it was for the wrong reasons.  You lost your soul.

So what is our agreement and contract together?

Something of mutual benefit, being equals.  You are an aspect of my divine complement.  The wealthy, white, heartless, stupid boy who thinks he is hot shit just because his family is wealthy and has a big house and power and position.  You took on that miserable role to play the extreme of wealth and financial richness and security.  The young BWM who has not substance of his own, besides his access to financial riches.  Because you wanted to remember your heart, love, passion, true substance.  You wanted to remember and honor the feminine.  You wanted and needed me.

I have rejected you, demonized you, cast you off, dismissed you and even hated you.  Yet  I can’t live without you – although I sure have tried!  I have wanted nothing to do with you, so I created debt to get as far away from you as I could.  I have felt abused, dismissed, disrespected by you, belittled by you, insubstantiated by you.  I have let you define my worth.  I have let you be the ultimate authority of what I do, don’t do, won’t do. I have given away my power to you. 

Why?  Because I have felt bullied by you, controlled by you, abused by you.  I see you everywhere and knew that you could hurt me or control me at every turn.  So I’ve done my best to remain invisible to you.  I’ve been so v icitimized by you that I can’t let myself get close to you.  I avoid you at all costs (funny choice of words there).  I avoid, I avoid, I avoid.

What is our agreement?

That you would bully and abuse me until I chose to say NO and to stand up for myself. Until I chose to find and connect with my core strength.  Until I chose to wake up and l

You have been here to make sure that I never got too comfortable or complacent.  You are here to catalyze me to find and cultivate my own power, to take responsibility for my life and its expression.  You are my biggest supporter.  You know that I have a tendency to split and get lazy and complacent.  You are my greatest ally.

I am here to see beyond your hardness, arrogance, cold-heartedness.  I am here to recognize your divinity too.  I am here to invite your heart, warmth, and love back into your full expression.  I know that what you want to do is support people’s dreams, to fuel their expansion and growth, and to be included and loved in their plans and dreams.  You want to be an ally in the

Evert time I react to you like a victim, I perpetuate the old you.  Every time I stand up as the heroine in my life, ask for your participation, and for your full expression, I create the opportunity for you to show up fully.  This gives you the chance to be fully and balanced man with heart, softness, wildness, and masculinity to the table. 

I have tried to reject you, break up with you, dismiss you.  Believe me, you know I have tried.  But that is not the issue here.  It is to bring out the real masculine in you through our dance together.  It is to bring out the Green Man in you – the true you that is connected to Spirit and to nature, to love, to heart, to celebration, to joy. 

It is to give you the opportunity to serve the feminine, to be empowered in this service, to bring balance and joy back into your life and body.  You are ready for some luscious juices to flow within you again, and it is in our relationship, our dance that this happens for both of us.  This is a two-way street, a mutual agreement and relationship.

You know, I really get how lonely, hard, and challenging this path must have been for you.  You have been willing to be used to fund the worst of the worst, to be glorified by others for the worst of you have been, to be perceived as an object devoid of feelings and emotions.  I am sure that you have lost yourself in this egotistic, power hungry, role.  Of course you have.  And yet you have wanted nothing more, after all this time, to come back into your true balance and be an ally and a part of the solution.  Both/and.  Not choose love, not money, but CHOOSE LOVE AND MONEY.  Because you are inherently good.  You willingly chose the dark to bring us all back into the light and into balance.

THANK YOU.  THANK YOU.  THANK YOU.  This is our ABUN-DANCE.

Let’s create a new agreement together.

We are here to support, fuel, and catalyze each other’s growth, expansion, integration and evolution.

We choose to support each other, show up for each other, give thanks for each other.  We choose to support each other in love, gratitude, grace, and joy.

We choose to honor each other for who we truly are, souls committed to cultivating balance, compassion and integration into our world, and to sew the seeds of compassion.

We choose to work, play and co-create together, not separately or as victim/bully.  We now both choose to be the heroine and the hero in this story.

We choose to see each other as the true expression of who we are.  Money chooses to see me as Peregrina.  I choose to see Money as Green Man.

We choose to become each other’s SACRED WEALTH PARTNER.

We co-create wealth, love, joy and abundance together.  Together, we sew seeds that every person, every soul wakes up to their soul’s sacred dream and works with Money (the single dimensional material manifestation of wealth), to create a world of true, authentic, multidimensional wealth.

Together, we transform wealth from 3D monetary wealth to 9D Sacred Compassionate Integrated Wealth.

Together, we transform the paradigm of money from cold, hard coins into authentic exchange of value, respect, creativity, and honor. 

We celebrate every time we work together.  Every time I take the next step on my path to cultivate my Wealth Garden.  Every time he honors someone’s courage to live their dreams with financial support.

When either one of us slips into victim and/or bully, into the lower expression of who we truly are, we will not abandon each other.  We will gently at first, and if not responded to, we will increasingly directly and forcefully, get each other’s attention, remind each other of who we really are, and get back into the flow with each other.

When co-creating out of our True Essential Expressions of who we are, we will be in the flow, in terms of clarity, focus, ease and grace, inspired and courageous action, financial flow and support, and the cultivation and manifestion of a beautiful, abundant, rich, vibrant “Wealth Garden.”

We co-create a mutually equal and supportive relationship.  I ask him for what I need and what he wants of me, and he asks me for what he needs and what I need from him. WE ARE EACH OTHER’S SACRED WEALTH PARTNER.

Our relationship is created out of mutual trust, love, compassion, acceptance, and integration, and deep honoring of who we each are as the sacred containers of the Feminine and the Masculine.

OUR MISSION IS TO EVOLVE ALL MONEY INTO WEALTH AND THAT EVERY PERSON BECOMES WEALTHY BY  AWAKENING TO ONE’S SACRED DREAM, FULFILLING ONE’S SACRED PATH, AND CO-CREATING WITH SPIRIT AND NATURE.

Ah-Ho.

This is our flow.  This is our dance.  This is a mutually agreed upon ABUN-DANCE.

And I give thanks.  I give thanks. I give thanks.

 With love and gratitude,

Sarah