It is such a beautiful morning. I love this time of year. Yesterday I bought some more plants for my vegetable and herb garden, so this morning I am going to plant them, plus the seeds that I have. It's a little late but I am excited that I am even creating a garden this year.
I am noticing that the more I am able to accept the "pilgrim" side of me, the more I can actually "be here now" in my home, in my garden, in my life. Crazy paradox, eh? When I resist that part of me that loves to go "walkabout", then I live my day-to-day life not fully grounded and not fully present. I feel as though I hover and float in my life rather than be fully engaged, present and alive.
I am going to call the part of myself that loves to walk "Peregrina," the Spanish word for pilgrim.
Peregrina loves to walk, to travel, to live with intention. She loves to walk a pilgrimage where she knows the destination and the path, but does not know the journey. She loves to live from her highest purpose. She loves quiet, reflective time. She loves to be alone. She loves to contemplate deeply. She loves rich, deep conversations. She loves to walk with friends and enjoy these rich, deep conversations while walking. Pergrina loves to enjoy life at a walking pace.
I have said for years that I would love to be "a mile deep and an inch wide". How is it then that in most of my life I feel like "a mile wide and an inch deep"? I can cover a lot of territory, get a lot done, be productive, make sure everyone is okay, fed, clothed and where they need to be, and know just enough in many different areas to seem knowledgeable.
Yet what I long for is to be "a mile deep and an inch wide." This is the pilgrim's way. A mile deep and an inch wide is the pilgrim's path. What a pilgrim knows is to take the next step on the path that leads you to your destination. On the El Camino, we knew that we were walking to Santiago de Compostela. We had maps to show us where to go and described the accommodations, restaurants, history and points of interest along the way. There were yellow arrows painted on the path and on buildings to guide and point us in the right direction. There were cairn-like kilometer markers to tell us how far we had come and how far we had to go.
What I didn't know was the journey, my journey. Each day I got to walk, but I had no idea what would unfold and transpire as I started out each day. I knew that my intention was to walk, eat, drink water, and arrive somewhere along the path to Santiago, bathe and sleep. That's it. I was blessed to walk this inch wide path that was so rich and deep with history, with pilgrims' stories and journeys embedded into it. This richness infused each step that I took and informed my journey. Imagine walking a path that has been walked by millions of others, all of whose destination is to make a sacred pilgrimage to Santiago. Everyone has their own impetus and reason for walking, but this path has been sacredly walked for over a thousand years, and I also venture to say thousands of years before the Catholic Church took it over for their own purposes. This path has existed forever. It reflects the Milky Way - as above, so below. Before there were maps and yellow arrows, pilgrims followed their hearts and guts to know which way to go. They also looked up to the stars and followed the Milky Way as they crossed Spain to this destination tucked away in the isolated northwest corner of Spain. This is the journey of "Ultreya."
I started this blog yesterday, and since then, I have planted my vegetable garden. I loved creating it, planting it, digging in it. I put in plants and seed, vegetables and herbs. My hands and knees were covered in rich dirt. I felt connected. I felt alive. For over hours, I quietly and reflectively asked and listened for where to plant these plants and seeds. I co-created this garden with Nature herself. It is a beautiful garden. I found myself going out and just looking at it, loving it, and marveling at the potential that lies in the plants and seeds. I rediscovered a part of myself yesterday. I realized that my children have not experienced the gardener in me. When my daughter came home from her soccer tournament, I couldn't wait to show her the garden. I shared a few details about why I planted marigolds near the tomatoes, and why I did this, and she just looked at me. "How do you know this?" I don't know. I just do. Little tidbits of information that I got to incorporate into my garden that my children had no idea that I knew. How fun is that!
Working with Nature in my garden yesterday opened back up a vast, deep part of myself yesterday. I just got it. My not embracing Peregrina has kept me a mile wide and an inch deep. Embracing and accepting Peregrina opens up the rich, deep, connected, creative part of me - the juiciest, darkest, wildest, most natural parts of me. Giving myself permission to be a pilgrim and to walk the pilgrim's path, both literally and metaphorically, gives me access to the true and essential parts of myself. Peregrina is the authentic and essential aspect of myself. She is connected to all of who I am, and at the same time, is an active and engaged reflection of my soul. She is my soul in action. She is my spirit. So of course to access, allow and embrace her gives me access to the deepest and richest parts of myself. I get to be "a mile deep and an inch wide." This to me is the rich and juicy expression of life that I have been longing for.
This is the journey. Ultreya!
Suseya!
Sahara
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